What State Are You In?

Did you know that the Spanish have two different words for “To be”?  Why would you need two separate words to simply say, “I am”?

The first word is Ser, which an attribute, while Estar describes a state.  So what’s the difference?

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​Well, you might say: -

• I am gorgeous; or
• I am intelligent; or
• I am Scottish

But enough about me….  

Only joking!  These are descriptions of what you are. The essential attributes that make up you.  They don’t change, or at least only change over time.  

Then, on the other hand, we have states -

• I am sad
• I am happy
• I am angry

Sometimes it can feel as if these are part of who we are, but actually we can control our state on a minute-by-minute basis.

Think about the last time you felt angry.  What happened?  Chances are someone did or said something to you?  Or maybe a situation made you angry? Perhaps a perceived wrong?  

Whatever it was, what was it that led you to choose to be angry?  Because that’s what you did. You can respond to any situation in any way you choose, so what was said or done that made you choose to be angry?

Or maybe you feel sad.  Again, think about what has happened to make you feel that way.  What has happened that has made you respond by feeling sad?

Maybe you are getting angry now because you think I am not taking your real anger or sadness seriously.  Believe me, nothing could be further from the truth.  I know that when you get angry or sad, it can consume your whole life.  But the truth is, that this is how you have chosen to respond to the situation.

There is a story told about Buddha.  A man wanted to test whether he really did respond to evil with good.  The man travelled miles to meet Buddha then verbally abused him and generally insulted and offended him. But Buddha was completely unmoved.  This puzzled the man, but Buddha asked him a question.  "When someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it, to whom then does it belong?"

The man agreed that the gift still belonged to the person who offered it.  Buddha smiled and nodded and told him that if he refused to accept the abuse then it still belonged to him.

So, are you in control of your state?

NLP techniques are a powerful way of helping you to identify and change your state.  This can either be as a quick response when needed, for example you may want to put yourself into a cool, confident state before an important meeting. The Circle of Excellence lets you quickly and easily assume all the powerful states you need to face any situation, giving you a real advantage.   

NLP techniques can also be used to explore your ‘hot buttons’ to help you identify why something or someone is able to have such an effect on you.  Then once you understand it, you can change it.  Forever.  

Your subconscious mind is very powerful, but difficult to talk to.  It has amassed a lifetime of experience and really does think it knows best when it comes to your well-being.  So, if someone doing ‘x’ has always caused you to respond in ‘y’ way, then that’s what you’ll keep doing.  NLP language techniques can be used to explore and expose this flawed thinking and offer alternative responses.

Think how empowering it would be to be in complete control of your state every minute of every day.

All the best

​Audrey